Monday, April 28, 2008

The DeShawn Watch, Game 4

DeShawn Stevenson, if you didn't already know, does this funny and stupid thing with his hand where he waves it in front of his face any time he hits a three. From afar, it looks like he's blowing on his fingertips as if he's "on fire" (a Kobe staple), though that's not what it is. TNT announcer and former coach Mike Fratello first said it was a signal that meant, "You can't see me," i.e. he's so unguardable that no one can catch up to him; later the announcers started saying it meant, "I can't feel my face," a metaphor for another saying ("He's unconscious!"). After the Wiz completely elephant-handled the Cavs in Game 3 (by 30+ points -- sick!), he even had Soulja Boy ("SUPAMAN!!!!") getting in on the act on the sidelines.

Then Game 4 happened.

With 34 points, 12 boards and 7 dimes, LeBronze (I'm still thinking about Team USA in 2004... grumble) was 3 assists shy of a triple double. His team eked out a win when he gathered that seventh assist by passing off to Delonte West, who was chilling in the corner behind the three-point arc. Swish, bang, game over, I can't feel my farce I mean face.

DeShawn? Respectable night... 13 points, 5 boards and 5 assists. But he also took out his shitty frustration on LeBronze by swiping at his nemesis' head. Sometime late in the first half LeBronze was driving hard to the cup and zoomed right by Stevenson, so Face-Feeley leapt up, swiped, and caught LeBronze in the head and as a result took his head-band clear off. Facey fell on the floor, LeBronze stayed on his feet, and the two stepped to each other ice-grillin' like prize fighters. I'm pretty sure some words about mamas, their skills, and DeShawn's jail-bait adventures were exchanged.

This DeShawn thing has just gotten completely baffling. There are well-publicized hostilities (or at least some drama) between players -- Michael Jordan and Isiah Thomas (KNICKS! ell-oh-ell); Kobe Bryant and Shaquille Large'Neal; Bruce Bowen and every two-guard, small forward and rebounder who happened to cross his path; even Kevin Garnett and Stephon Marbury at one point.

LeBron and DeShawn? It's like David and Goliath, except this time David has no arms, is missing an eye, and has a really poor sense of judgment. At the very least, Bruce Bowen is a Defensive Player of the Year candidate and has been a significant part of the Spurs' championships. DeShawn is a middling talent who can hit a few threes, dunk the ball a little, and be rendered obsolete once (a) Gilbert Arenas comes back in full force and (2) he goes and tries to manhandle Miley Cyrus (she's still got a few years to go, DeShawn...). It should be said, though, that for LeBron to even respond to this flea who tapped him on the head says something about how good a job Jail-Bait Boy is doing getting into the MVP-candidate's head. So, score one for child molesters, I guess?

Besides, "LeBron" and "DeShawn" rhyme. They're both high-school draftees. Furthermore, they both trendily capitalize the third letters of their names. Shouldn't they be the bestest of friends??? Shouldn't they be a sweet couple and get married?????





Matthew said...

Well Well

DeShawn Stevenson hater 3- wizards 1..............

Sometimes I feel games can be fixed, but then again. when teams and players shoot very well all game, there is nothing you can do.

DeShawn I must commend you on....You had a great game in game 3. Lebron is still keeping you up at night. I mean really! 1-1 nobdoy can stop lebron or Kobe so lets just drop the whole "Overrated" thing. Lebron probably smashed one of your former hoes better and you can't call her for the late night slob no more. You hater.

Like my bo sto said when GilRad returns next season you willonce again be useless and be traded. You will probably be one of the reasons Eddie gets fired as your coach after this series is over. Eddie....We would love tosee you or Rick Carlisle in ATL. Mike one a playoff game, but lets get real Celtics will win by 25 tonight.

I am gone like Lebron leaving Deshawn at the 3 point line.

Matthew said...

PHX....Thanks for showing up.......Bout time somebody added that quarter into the arcade game before you time was up. Raja Bell, man to think 8 years ago. We used to play pick up together every afternoon. Then you dissappeared and did not let anybody know that you had any intention of going to play in the nba. ( I am getting jealous all over again) I remember when you would come in from work and work on your jumper (more jealousy.sorry) Great game last night.......Manu I love you but you are not Lebron. Yuo can't just drive through the lane all the time, people are in front of you, they are not holograms. Tell tony to teach you his Kenny anderson floater..sorry "Kenny -A" did it first.

Shaq it is time for you to make history again. can PHX come back down 3-1????????? Maybe I doubt it. besides, Winner gets LA I think, so it sucks either way.