2008 NBA Playoff Monster Thread: The Opening Salvo

From: Shau, Austin
Sent: Wed 5/14/2008 11:49 AM
To: Bunch of People
Subject: Semifinals!

Who's advancing out west, and does Cleveland have ANY hope?

-a

p.s. - This be my work email... watch the cussin' and fussin'

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From: Cris Eastmond

Sent: Wed 5/14/2008 12:06 PM

To: The Same Bunch

Subject: Re: Semifinals!

i see new orleans riding home court to a series win, as long as dave west's back isn't more threatening than it was last nite. i see the jazz winning tonite then winning at home ending this annoying kobe lovefest. cleveland has plenty of hope! lebron was one legal four-step layup away from winning in the td bankworth, and boston is d-league at best on the road (an indictment of all of the 3party by the way, one that the media is keeping quiet so far) with chauncey well rested and the game plan laid out after two straight seasons of facing them and knowing that stopping boobie [Gibson] is the key, detroit will win in 7. deron williams win the first of many western pg wars against his draft mate in 6. in revenge to the league and its sheep for years of kings, mavs, and suns ball, we get a 7 game series from two of the best old skool teams duking it out for 7 with the pistons experience giving it the crown.

-Cris

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From: Shau, Austin
Sent: Wed 5/14/2008 12:51 PM
To: Cris Eastmond
Cc: The Same Bunch
Subject: RE: Semifinals!


Ah, the "sheep" comment. Sorry, but I don't blame people for wanting to be entertained. I pose another question in addendum to the first: which coach is botching up the most? (By way of Atlanta, peering subtly in Doc Rivers' direction)

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From: Gideon Bryant
Sent: Wed 5/14/2008 3:02 PM
To: Shau, Austin
Cc: The Same Bunch
Subject: Re: Semifinals!


i've gotta disagree with cris. i'm sure part of it is attributable to fandom considering i've actually sat down and watched maybe 1 game this entire postseason, but i'm an exhaustive box score examiner.

lakers are taking it. the only time the jazz win is when they shoot over 50% as a team. no way they can do that 2 of the next 3 games. especially with my namesake [Kobe BRYANT] in mvp mode. one more loss will put him at critical health, which would mean a limit break is right around the corner (omnislashing his way to 50 point performances).

boston is taking it as well. even taking into account their road troubles and lebron's tenacity, i can't see them losing a home game with their backs against the wall. detroit worries me because they bore me to tears yet continue to win. i'll just continue to ignore them like i have thus far and hope they go away.

i don't even think new orleans will need 7 games. they'll ride the wave of their latest win all the way to the conference finals, where they will lose to the lakers. i wish i could provide some rhetoric beyond "because i said so", but i think that should suffice for now.

finals will be the stern approved celtics-lakers. boston's road deficiencies will finally do them in here.

and doc is the run-away winner of the botching award. boston is continuously losing to clearly inferior teams. plain and simple. the coach has got to take the downfall on that one.

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Domingo's reply (time and date unknown):

1- As a proud subscriber of nba league pass via channelsurfing.net (read free...sidenote: also has PPV and HBO events) I've seen enough d-west to know he's derrick coleman. Why I don't like him? It's easy to be bold when you're an up and comer coattail rider..I'll respect him if he steps to Rasheed or somethin'...at this point I could step to Dirk

2-LeBron is a phenomenal player and on the court he makes great decisions, but as a vocal leader dude has the motivational skills of a paper plate. His sheer greatness elevates his team, but his leadership skills are on par with Paul Pierce. Best leaders out there right now are KB8, CP3 and Duncan. It might be a style preference on my part.

Random: Did you really think Peja could keep this up a whole playoff season?

Random 2: Did you see Manny catch the fly, high five the fan, and double the guy on first? Greatness

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Matt's reply (time and date unknown):

This is Fun! Austin great idea by the way. We should start a radio show.

I like all of Domingo's 2 cents except for the D-west & lebron comments.

Don't get it twisted. We would never hear about David West in this part of his career unless CP3 is his teammate -- true. However, D-west is not a fluke by any stretch. He is a product of a great offense. With another decent guard he would be doing the same thing but have a lower FG%.

Lebron is probably the best leader in the league with his makeshift team of "who are these guys" Kobe has way more help and it is way easier to lead lamar and Pau than Ben and Delonte.

I will ride with Boston this year. The west is anybody's game(s) to win. Detroit may need to figure out conference banners don't mean shit, and yes, they will be split up after they lose again in the
conference finals. Sorry Joe D. Time for new blood for tayshaun and Chauncey to work with. Keep maxiell and Stuckey. The rest can go elsewhere.

Keep the party going.

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From: Cris Eastmond

Sent: Thu 5/15/2008 9:13 PM

To: Domingo Ramos

Cc: Mad People

Subject: Re: Semifinals!

best part of the manny play was the jordan pose he struck to do the high five.

domingo: any words on orlando's demise?

leader: kobe > lebron.

so domingo, if you checked into the eastern conference finals last year, does that mean i can check into a mavs practice and put my finger in dirk's face!!??! awesome!

lastly, any comment on the fact that the pistons have been coaching themselves all playoffs long, and that flip barely gets paid attention to in huddles at this point??

-Cris

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From: Shau, Austin
Sent: Fri 5/16/2008 8:48 AM
To: Cris Eastmond; Domingo Ramos
Cc: Lots of ppl.
Subject: RE: Semifinals!

David West's pick-and-pop jumper, complete with 17-foot shooting range, basic but effective post play including turnaround jumpers and drop-step jump hooks (note: isolated post-up play DOESN'T necessarily rely on any guard running an offense except for a good post-entry pass, which can come from anyone capable of making a solid bounce or lob pass) WHILE being undersized, hard work ethic and pretty much a lack of flash equals Derrick Coleman who was fat, whoop-de-damn-doo lazy, flashy for flash's sake (although brilliantly so), and got by on his ego and physical talent? Me no es agree-o.

David West may have a temper problem with the refs, but that has no bearing on his skills as a basketball player or his effectiveness as a teammate (technical free throw points and the potential for ejection excepted, of course). We're not talking old-school Sheed or Dennis Rodman here. Unless you're predicting that his latest back injury sends him into Derrick Coleman Injury Prone territory. I agree -- and pretty much everyone else here has or will -- that Cristo Pablo Tres does grant him those open jumpers, but that he knocks them down with consistency (Game 6 excepted) and that he has a sound, solid foundation for a post-up game that *works* even at his size (reminds me of a not-poor-but-not-rich-man's Elton Brand) AND that he swatted away a Duncan shot quite nicely (ok, one play does not a superstar make, but still!!!) has convinced me that David West is a quality forward even if not a perennial All-Star.

Cris, I think Rasheed is the next coach for the Piss-tawns. I wonder how many times he'll try to energize his team by getting throweded out ;) I still am surprised that you of all people picked Orlando to advance, though, especially given your faux-Hedo-hate (before you respond, I said "faux" -- I know you don't really HATE him :P), Stanvan's penchant for making the three point play instead of the easy bucket, and Dwight Howard's still limited (but quickly improving) repertoire of post-up moves. Orlando wasn't, isn't and won't be ready for a true finals run for another year -- and that's fine. I think they're on pace as a team, and they just need to grow.

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Matt Graves
Fri, May 16, 2008 at 12:58 PM
Subject: Re: Semifinals!

KB8? Well, if you want to see shots just go up and shaq getting upset. I prefer KB24, much better leader. Take away the Cocaine and Derrick Coleman was the shit too. West can't be who he is without CP3, but CP3 would not be who he is either if West is not hitting those shots all season. Paul had a great rookie year too, but since they hit more shots this year his assists went up tremendously. Plus more highlights. He became even more popular. shit 80% of his assist are to West. If that is riding Paul's wave, then I am a surfer too.

Tyson Chandler would not even score in another team's offense so lets be real here. BUT, David West would be a solid contributor on another team.

Shawn Marion? Does anybody know his avgerage after the trade? He can have some sympathy because, after all, it was Miami.

LB23 is only 23 years dominant. When he reaches 28/29 like Mr. Bryant, we can reflect on this leadership debate when he has a ring or two with no help. Once again: It is easy to lead Lamar, Pau and Fisher instead of Ben, Delonte and Boobie. (I can't believe I called D-Gib Boobie) . King James has a whole lot more on his shoulders than KB24. Both are certified murderers.

Peja and Ray need to switch to ethanol, because their fuel efficiency is null and void.

Manny is the realest baseball player ever, after Jeter. Two different extremes, but great nonetheless.

---------------------------

from Domingo Ramos

to Austin Shau

cc Lots of people

date Fri, May 16, 2008 at 1:23 PM

subject Re: Semifinals!

Let me address a few old and newly introduced topics...

1 - Matt, you hit the nail on the head with my Derrick Coleman comparison. For those that remember, DC's greatest years were with Kenny Anderson and Drazen Petrovic...He was a double-double guy; very good player. He'll put numbers up but he's not gonna be the primary reason the team wins.

2 - Orlando bowing out - No team with Jameer Nelson as their starting PG will win a quality playoff series. Book it. He doesn't excel in any area and he's a defensive liability (slightly better than Nash on D). They've got a great base but starting next year we're getting into the "How many of Howard's good years are we wasting?" era. They are literally 1-2 years of maturity and a PG away from contention. Lewis, Hedo, and Howard are a poor man's version of a Big 3. If they could also get an Anderson "Sideshow Bob" Verajao type I'd feel even better about them.


3 - Playoff Coaching (Boston) - Doc Rivers is trying his darndest to tank in the playoffs. Does he know that if you're up by 15 in the 3rd quarter of the game you can still lose? I count at least 3 games in these playoffs where they were up by 10+ in the 3rd and he sits almost all his starters for 7-8 minutes at a time. I don't think he understands that tanking at this point doesn't really help his Draft Lottery chances (see 2007).

4 - Playoff Coaching (Detroit) - Is it me or does Flip look like he's always worried about losing his job? That said, I'm convinced Tayshaun coaches this team. I think I also saw them wearing WWLBD bracelets (What Would Larry Brown Do).

5 - New thought - I was telling my brother that Rasheed and Lamar are the only 2 players I've ever seen that have HOF-caliber natural talent and for some reason don't just dominate every game. You can't guard them and they can guard anybody...makes no sense why they aren't killing everyone in the league.

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from Austin Shau
to Domingo Ramos
cc Locos Gringos
date Fri, May 16, 2008 at 1:30 PM
subject Re: Semifinals!


Mentality and streaks. I haven't watched a whole buttload of games, but I watched enough to know that [Rasheed Wallace's and Lamar Odom's] penchant for shooting will ultimately lead to bad shooting streaks (as well as good ones). Every time I see a Rasheed box score that says 2-11 I know it's because all he was doing was trying to take fadeaway baseline jumpers and hurl threes at the rim.

Unless [of course], your contention was that "it makes no sense that they don't have the mentality to dominate", in which case I agree. But as for WHY they don't dominate all the time, it's their mentality -- which, again, in and of itself may be what doesn't quite make sense.

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from Matthew Graves
to Austin Shau
cc Dalibor Bagaric's Security Team
date Fri, May 16, 2008 at 4:18 PM
subject Re: Semifinals!


This is better than SLAM Magazine!

Somebody give Tayshaun a 'TAKE OVER THE TEAM PILL" so I do NOT have to watch "rip" (rather, "I pull") shoot more than Kobe on a bad night. I hate when richard [hamilton] makes his first attempt, because then he will take the next 5 even if the play is not for him. yeah he is in great shape, but [even with] a 4 minute mile you still couldn't guard a cup of water named Deshawn.

What Would Larry do............Larry will hope Iverson wants to move to Charlotte. I can't wait to see that team next year. What would Rick Carlisle do...... He will get Dallas back to the finals and they will lose to Lebron -- then he will get fired and the next coach (the fucking statistician) will win the following year over the Orlando Magic. LOL . Scary like the Bobcats roster. shout out to DA (Derek Anderson) -- way to make that 1.8 Million veteran minimum. You gotta love those Team Jordan advantages.

I began thinking about the Lottery............I have this feeling Pat Riley will have a heart attack because Miami will get the #5 pick instead of Michael Beasley at #uno. The draft will be a straight gamble after the #7 pick.....good old reliable potential. That's when the D-league comes in. what a waste. Hey development league -- let's actually develop somebody and not give owners tax breaks.

Shout out to Mike Taylor, who said F* college, I am gonna enter the D-league draft outta HS, get drafted and work my ass off with a bunch of veterans and get finals MVP. Then David Stern, just to piss you off, I am gonna be a 1st round pick in this year's NBA draft and make 2-6 million dollars. Then I will tell all the future kids like me to do the same thing since we should get paid performance bonuses in college anyway.

Will the rockets ever remain healthy all season?

anybody else not want to see Avery coach ever again? I don't.......Let him coach in Memphis; that way I never have to worry about seeing him on TV. "transition defense" ! How about, clear-out for Josh and don't trade the only person who could stay in front of CP3 just because you don't like him.

I know this: KG needs to do whatever he did in the last game tonight, and let us all pray right now for RAY ALLEN'S BREAK OUT GAME!

moment of silence for Ray..................................................................................................jesus shuttlesworth.........where are you?

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from Cris Eastmond

to Austin Shau

cc Your Face

date Fri, May 16, 2008 at 6:45 PM

subject Re: Semifinals!

quick note. for those wondering, i picked orlando to advance to the east finals last JULY after they picked up 'shad lewis (pronouced [as follows]: "shad" rhymes with with "chad" and "lewis" [is pronounced] like the 3rd donald duck nephew [Luey]).

i LOVED that move when it happened. i can't understand why the team never clicked. thus my anger at hedo taking shots. when the playoffs began i was pretty sure orlando wouldn't make the finals, but i was still disheartened because unlike Domingo, i very much believe in jameer nelson. the death of his father truly affected his game for about the first 5 months, but i liked his playoff performance. he doesn't get ref love on D, almost heinrich-esque the way he picks up fouls. but still i have high hopes for him. the 3rd pg after paul/D-ron

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from Matthew Graves
to Cris Eastmond
cc My Anus
date Fri, May 16, 2008 at 7:01 PM
subject Re: Semifinals!

good point cris. I picked Orlando to make it as far as they did after the great trade. I think they did click, but they are a pretty young team. Nothing but high hopes. I have been a jameer fan since St. Joe's. yeah. Check your old SLAMs of him and his old backcourt-mate that dropped off the face of the earth........I think his name was Marvin....? damn. some one research that shit. They were a great backcourt before Delonte. Hedo was not used to being a 2nd option -- he got it almost towards the end. Future will tell the rest.

Go KG & Lebron...........I WANT DOUBLE OVERTIME TONIGHT! celtics by 9

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from Austin Shau
to Matthew Graves
cc Scrotal Wartage
date Fri, May 16, 2008 at 7:15 PM
subject Re: Semifinals!

My thing with Hedo is this -- I realize that it may go back to my days as a Christie-Webber Kings fan and seeing them pick Hedo instead of Desmond Mason, Q-Rich, Mo Pete, et cetera [and getting PISSED about it]. As he started getting a little burn I saw the value in him, and then in Game 4 against the Lakers he had that great 22 point game complete with hugely clutch 3-pointer to seal a Kings victory (he followed the make by turning around and screaming at the roof with his arms outstretched to his sides, angled down, fists balled). He's come up in less memorable clutch moments [too]. Then when he moved to the Spurs I didn't know what he was really doing; he didn't really stand out so I wasn't keeping tabs.

Watching him on Orlando, coming back to hitting some decently big shots, and then this year where (I hate to go Hollinger on this because stats don't mean everything especially not without context) he was third in the league in 4th quarter points, and he had some big game winning shots (especially the one where Cris txt'ed me on my phone, "Ew, Hedo taking the last shot?") it all points to Hedo being at least a plausible option in the clutch. I don't think the team not clicking is Hedo's fault. I mean, it reminds me of how Pippen was pissed off that Kukoc got the call for the last shot that game. Kukoc may not be a better player than Pippen (lol... "may not"... what an understatement) but I'll be damned if anyone chides a coach for giving him the last shot over Pippen.

Same thing applies here, only I haven't seen Rashard in the clutch that often, so [I'll concede that MAYBE] I'm missing his side of the story.

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from Matthew Graves
to Austin Shau
cc Pussy Galore
date Sat, May 17, 2008 at 10:32 AM
subject Re: Semifinals!

Hedo is the best shooter -- so he gets the last shot, unless Dwight or Rashard had a great game. In my book, he will get the last shot.

Just like, [despite how] shitty and non existant Ray Allen has been in the playoffs, he will get the last shot every time on my team. even Cassell.

[Follows is Matt's stream-of-thought play-by-play of the game in his email]

Doc Rivers, what the fuck? 4 minutes to go, and the only offense in the game is KG (who never saw the ball more than 1 time and he shot a fading floater from 5ft. away) and Paul I-flop-with-contact Pierce.

hey Dick Bavetta...........It was out of bounds on Lebron -- not a charge on Pierce. that was worser than this years G'town vs. villanova foul call with 1.3 seconds left. extremely gay officiating.

Lebron is the shit!

If Ray Allen does not show up in Game 7, I will jump on my Kobe vs Lebron Finals campaign. Fuck it! make it a sneaker battle.

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from Matthew Graves
to Austin Shau
cc Frank'n'beans
date Mon, May 19, 2008 at 11:26 AM
subject Re: Semifinals!


GAME 7! WHAT A GAME.

Lebron had the city of Boston shook until Paul Pierce's free throw bounced in. Great matchup. #23 vs #34. I loved to see them go at it. Paul proved that Lebron needs to work on his on-the-ball defense. There is no way in Hell, if I am Lebron, that I let Paul explode pass me for numerous trips to the cup. And how many freaking times are you gonna let him hit that hesitation pull up? Sit on that right hand dammit. Ben Wallace: good Defense that was a charge, but you were in Boston. Shout out to P.J Brown.

Has anybody seen Ray Allen's Jumper? he left it in ATL. Doc, you need to utilize Ray better. He should not be a last resort. If Posey can get wide open shots along with E-House, then dammit, Ray can too. Cavs played great Defense on Ray, yeah, but it is easy when you get looked off of.

Can CP3 and Co. do it big this evening? I sure hope so.

I feel refs should be fined for missing obvious calls. grabs, slaps, pulls. I don't think I have seen anybody get fouled as much as lebron in a long time, if ever.

expect a big Bonzi Wells night. yeah I said it. BONZI!

God deals drugs in Florida.

This didn't make it into Genesis. We got the edited Conservative version.

Read this:

http://www.optimum.net/News/AP/Article?articleId=430685&categoryId=69

The deleted scene of how Adam and Eve really got throwed out probably went something like...

God: "Hey, kid. Come over here for a minute."
Adam: "Yessir."
God: "See this tree over here?"
Adam: "Ayuh." [at this point you probably wonder why Adam is from Maine.]
God: "It's got some shit that'll blow your mind."
Adam: "Really? Wow, let me get some!"
God: "Whoa, whoa. Easy, bro. Can't touch it. Stuff's not free, you know."
Adam: "Oh balls."

...later...

Eve: "...so what do you think eating an apple off of this tree is like?"
Adam: "I don't know. I don't have the cash."
Eve: "Whatever happened to 'first taste for free'?"
Adam: "..."
Eve: "You know what, fuck 'im. *CHOMP*"

[Insert token scene with '70s funk music and psychedelic colors interspersed with scenes of God smacking Adam with a sock filled with oranges screaming, "Where's my money?"]

Let's close our Bible: The Unrated version and look back at the news story. Check out dude's name.

"Authorities began investigating God Lucky Howard in April, and he was arrested on Saturday."

God Lucky Howard. That's the Godliest name (not only is he God, but he's also lucky!) since God Shammgod changed his name back from Shammgod Wells after having changed it to that from his birth-given God Shammgod.

This brings back memories of my sister "jokingly" claiming that she'd name her son Acar -- "A car?" her friends would ask, "Which car?" "No," she'd correct them," A-C-A-R -- Acar" -- or, if she had twins, Hale and Bopp. (Fun fact: There was a girl in one of my college writing courses named "Apar". Close enough.)

To name your child something ridiculous might just be one of the cruelest non-violent things you could do (that's not true but let me hyperbolize). Like naming your child after a month that isn't April, May or June. Can you imagine naming your son after a month? "Hey March! How's it going?" I don't think so.

What about the alleged homoerotic naming of one Richard Gaywood, who had his Xbox Live gamertag banned on account of it being labeled as "offensive" by the Xbox Live community? What about our beloved former House Majority Leader Dick Armey? You know, the one Peter Griffin responded to with, "What's your friend's name, Vagina Coastguard" in that episode of Family Guy?

And then there's Louie CK who theorized about what might happen if he were to name his child, Ladies And Gentlemen. "Ladies And Gentlemen please!!!!!" "Ladies And Gentlemen, would you stop writing on the wall?" And so forth.

This further brings back memories of my Quake II-playing days, when I'd name my characters ridiculous shit like, "My Anus" or "Your Face" and watch in glee as the prompts would come up when people either killed or were killed by my character.

"Jaws was fragged by My Anus."
"Amanster rode Your Face's rocket."
"MrCHUPON killed That Dude's Balls."
"That Dude's Balls ate My Anus's grenade."

Ah, college.

So wait, where was I going with this? Oh yeah. Don't name your kid God, or he might push drugs in Tampa.

Shout out to Long Hair for the link.