Some observations about this Pittsburgh office...

...and related things, such as the hotel room, both remarkable and unremarkable. This is guaranteed to be one of the most boring things you've read in the last four years, seven months and six days. Give or take. *shrug*

* the most expensive lunch I've had from the food court in the building must have been spaghetti and meatballs from the Sbarro's, which ran me $6.39 (I think)

* the cheapest must have been a large soup from Au Bon Pain from the same food court, clocking in at under $4

* a whole bunch of people -- not including contractors / consultants like myself -- clock out at 3:30... of course, they're in at ass o'clock in the morning, too

* the entire place (ok that's an exaggeration) is plastered with "Bring Back the Cup!" signs in hopes of the Pittsburgh Penguins winning the Stanley Cup (hockey for those who don't know). After working in Illinois for the last 15 months and watching the Bulls go from a playoff team to a turd, it's an interesting change of sports pace...

* most offices have a security ID card scanner outside the door leading into the office from the elevator bank, and a button that you have to press in order to exit to the elevator bank. Our button looks like the friggin' "Easy" button from those commercials

* not being able to communicate with the outside world while at the office, via anything other than my firm's webmail, continues to be frustrating. My fingers haven't yet, and probably never will, enjoy sending instant messages through my phone's keypad

* I should be used to this, because I spent a cumulative 28 months in an office with such a bathroom, but yet again the people here are incredibly sloppy with disposing of paper towels in the men's room. Half the time, a few sheets are strewn on the floor underneath the actual basket; more often than not, there are a bunch of sheets just hanging around the rim of the receptacle (thanks to Lebowski I must use that word now)

* in my time here so far, no one's forgotten to flush the toilet, unlike in the last building I worked at. Man that was fuckin' disgusting...

* this is one of those buildings where the men's room has a tall urinal and a short urinal. I haven't seen any men under four feet in this building, but I suspect it's to support those who are vertically challenged. If this is true... why, then, isn't this shorter urinal standard wherever handicap stalls are standard?

* this is one of the only office bathrooms I've been in that has a coat rack. It's warm now and no one's wearing coats so I lie the Gatorade bottle that I've usually just filled at the nearby water fountain across a pair of the hooks

* the color scheme here is mostly dark browns and greens in the halls and open areas, with white walls enclosing the majority of cubicles. Is this to encourage us to stay at our desks, where it's brighter and more cheery? :P Because the halls are damn depressing

* the water fountain is sufficient, but I miss the little "gloop gloop" that water coolers make when you use them

* my hotel is literally across the street from PNC Park, where the Pittsburgh Pirates play baseball. Every day I walk to work (it takes a total of about 12 minutes to walk from my hotel door to my cubicle), I pass by the stadium and then cross a yellow bridge over the river to get to the streets where the office building is. I think the same homeless person sits in the middle of the pedestrian area of the bridge every morning

* I just tried sending e-mail to three distinct individuals with a Hotmail address, including my old one that's I had to re-activate for my Xbox Live account. For some reason, tonight, I'm being told that my IP address is blocked by Hotmail... wtf?

* the hotel where I stayed at previously in Illinois had a lounge with free water bottles for those who accumulated enough hotel points. There is no lounge here and we get a tiny pint bottle each night. I drink A LOT OF WATER. So I've been resorting to boiling tap water in the coffee maker, then chilling it in a sink of cold water. Yeah, it has a burnt coffee aftertaste, but I'll take whatever I can get

* last week, my next-door neighbors in the hotels were singing. Loudly. And very, very poorly. It didn't help that it was one of those dealies where there was a locked door joining the two rooms, as opposed a solid wall, allowing the howling to seep through even more

* the bathtub in my hotel room has this weird plug that you push on one end to lock, and push on the other end to open. In several attempts to lock the drain so that I could fill the tub with bath water, it popped back open of its own volition about 14 times before I finally got it to stay. What the hell ever happened to a plain old fashioned wedge attached to the tub with a chain, because you know they're worried about people stealing the plug?

* they've played this goddamn motherfucking Volkswagen commercial where the drummer chick says "Europeans are crazy" WAY TOO MANY TIMES DURING THE LAST FEW GAMES NBA PLAYOFFS. STOP PLAYING IT. IT'S NOW MORE ANNOYING THAN THOSE REPEATED ZUNE ADS AND THE FKN' HEINEKIN AD WITH PEOPLE PASSING THE BEER ALONG VARIOUS REGIONS.

* the room service here comes from a pub that shares part of the ground floor of this hotel's building. The person who delivered my snack yesterday was most definitely not hotel staff, unless this hotel staff has employees who regularly dress up as bar flies. Just an amusing observation on my part

* that's it. go home

On Fatigue

I guess the answer to the question I pose at the bottom of this blog is: My body's endurance sucks.

Here's a little preface on how my job works. I work for a consulting firm, meaning that -- in all simplicity -- I'm one of The Bobs from Office Space. No, I don't go in and find out what people do and get them fired literally, but my overall job -- as part of a team -- is to be involved somewhere in the process of going in, finding out what a business needs, how it can improve itself and its processes, develop a plan for that, implement that plan, and support it. However, not everyone stays in a project from beginning to end. A lot of us have experience in concentrated areas -- such as the planning and analysis stage, where we have to gather requirements for a proposed application, et cetera -- or the testing stage, or even the support stage which happens when the application or new system goes live. Now, some people do stay on a project for its entirety, from very beginning to very end -- but I’m not one of them.

So it's not like I stay at one client for three years. For me, it's been between 8 and 15 months at a time. These projects happen everywhere. Depending on your assigned specialty, certain types of clients reside in certain areas. Financial institutions are mainly centered around Wall Street and elsewhere in New York City, or in the tri-state area at least (as well as other metropolitan areas). I don't get assigned to Financial clients, though; instead, I'm in the Products group, which specializes in consumer goods and services (retailers, liquor distributors, market research firms), and health and life sciences (pharmaceuticals, health care). Thus, the projects I've been assigned to have been in South Norwalk, Connecticut; Schaumburg, Illinois; and Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. That means I do indeed have to travel a lot, and for the most part, Mondays through Thursdays have been spent on-site with Fridays being the magical and relieving day working from the comfort of my native New York. (One exception: For Connecticut, I was close enough to travel there by rail. It was a 2-hour commute each way, but it was worth it to sleep in my own bed every night.)

Now, when you "roll off" of a project -- meaning your job and role on that project is finished -- you go "on the bench," waiting for new roles to pop up. It's like job hunting within a job. You're still employed by the company, but you're not working on anything in particular for a client. So when you're on the bench, your responsibilities are to actively look for other priojects to sign onto, and better yourself through training courses offered by the firm. Most of these can be downloaded right to your laptop. Some of them are in-classroom. Whatever the case may be, you're not just supposed to sit on the beach or on your rooftop garden with a Corona. You're supposed to be putting in a good, honest 40 hours per week, training, adding to your internal resume, and shopping yourself around to projects that might be able to use your skills.

Preface over.

From December of 2006 to the end of March 2008, I'd been going to Schaumburg, IL. This was actually my second stint on this specific project; I had been going there from September of 2004 to December of 2005 prior to that. Then I went to Connecticut before I ended up back in Illinois. The important takeaway here is that before the end of March, I'd spent 28 out of the last 38 months doing the weekly grind to and from O'Hare International Airport -- get my ass up on Monday at 5AM for a 7AM flight, and then catch a Thursday evening flight back to New York that would get delayed almost half the time (resulting in me landing in NYC at 1AM on a few occasions). Finally, on March 24th, they honorably discharged me after extending my role week after week. At that point, I was on the bench.

Now, I'd basically been inactive work-wise since March 24th until May 5th, which is when I was staffed to a new project. I didn't travel to the client site until the next week, May 12th, as the week of May 5th was spent reading up on the project's background and other documentation. Technically, then, I spent seven weeks on the bench. Yeah I was working, but doing training on your laptop out of your bedroom and having the luxury of taking a break for a walk in the park -- as long as you put in eight honest hours -- is a far cry from flying out at ungodly hours and working 10 - 12 hour days in a bustling, chaotic and frankly critical situation.

So what happened during those seven weeks? I started going to the gym regularly again. I learned me some skills. I received less-than-positive news about my Business School application (there's always next year). I reviewed a few games (though I really should have been kept more busy than I was, ahem). I poked a little at my website's design. I hung out with friends more regularly. I threw Rock Band parties. I discovered a weekly Guitar Hero tournament -- the prizes are free shots every time you advance a round -- and met some really fun people. I woke up at nine in the morning, put in my hours, and was out in the sunlight of the late afternoon every day of the week.

After seven weeks of this, I went to Pittsburgh for my first week. I got up at 6AM to catch an 8:30AM flight at Kennedy, which is much better than waking up at 5AM as in months past (that hour makes a difference). After my first day, I had some energy to run a full court basketball game, though I was woefully out of basketball shape at that point. On Tuesday, though, I came into my room not wanting to do anything. ANYTHING. I didn't want to check email. I didn't want to study more for my GMATs. I didn't want to play Phoenix Wright: Trials and Tribulations on my DS (that's the last game in its trilogy and I've been trying to finish it for quite some time). I didn't want to read more about my project. I was too goddamn tired and just wanted to watch the basketball game. Wednesday night after work, I just plum fell asleep before midnight with my DS open and the TV on. I woke up not knowing who won the game (it was the Lakers) and found my DS with its battery entirely drained.

Ok, so that's weird, because I just had seven glorious weeks of not-work and rejuvenation.

This past Tuesday night, my second Tuesday on the job, it happened again. Only this time, it wasn't before midnight -- it was before 10PM. This was during the Celtics-Pistons game. I was lying on the couch and had my laptop open to do work. I only remember drifting in and out, opening my eyes and just barely seeing Kevin Garnett hitting a jumper from 19 feet out, then fading out again. Then in, another KG jumper, then out. Rinse, repeat. I woke up with a drained laptop battery and the post-game press conferences on ESPN.

Why in shit's name am I this tired after almost two months of the most relaxed job in the world? Is seven straight weeks of that really not enough to combat three years flying back and forth / making a 2-hour rail commute? And mind you, I *did* take real family vacations during those years, so it's not like I went straight through without rest.

Project in Pittsburgh

given a laptop by the client which can't be used to access any personal webmail, unlike my last project

can't connect my own work laptop to their network for any reason

can't put any flash memory cards or USB drives into client laptop to transfer files, unlike my last project

half the stuff around here closes at 6PM

per diem$ are 15% lower per day than my last project

have not yet determined whether or not I can actually get on AOL Instant Messenger

can get on Mobile Instant Messenger, though it fucks up my buddy list when I log on via computer

don't have to get up at 5AM on Monday to catch an early-ass flight, as with my last project

proximity to NYC and lack of time-zone change means my flight on Thursday night lands at 8:30PM in New York, instead of 11PM as with my last project, delays pending

access to an indoor basketball court by the hotel means I can trim some fat off my fat ass without being bored

the office building has a small mall on the first floor and a fucking food court on the second

don't have to walk for 20 minutes just to get to something, say a bar or restaurant or store, outside of the hotel as with my last project

right across the bridge from where the Pittsburgh Pirates play

Is it a wash? We'll see in about 6 months.

To Catch a Karl Malone

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=hill/080507

Read that.

Now, read it again -- specifically the paragraph that begins: "Roger Clemens' alleged seedy indiscretions".

Yeah. That's right. Karl Malone may have given his yogurt to a thirteen year-old girl. I don't know if I should be surprised -- I shudder to think what a man of Michael Jordan, Larry Bird or Magic Johnson's stature (especially that last one -- c'mon, "Magic" "Johnson") would have taken when drunk at a frat party -- but hot damn. That's sick.

Now, it's only reportedly so -- not confirmed. However, if someone would kindly look up the age of Demetrius Bell's mother and subtract his age from hers... well now.

Ew. Just, ew.

Thanks to my boy Matt who found the article.

LeBrohn Starks

LeBron James, meet a little bit of basketball history.

Okay -- to be fair, this was Game 1 of the 2008 Eastern Conference Semi-finals. Starks' own 2-for-18 performance was during Game 7 of the 1994 NBA Finals against the Houston Rockets -- a much more important game than a series opener "feel-'em-out" game.

But still. James' shooting performance -- not to mention several botched layups -- was just as painful to watch. Here we've got a perennial MVP candidate, the so-called King, a man who could soon be averaging a triple-double for the season for many years to come, and we see him make only two baskets in 39 minutes of playing time -- and missing 16.

Did I mention he had 10 turnovers to go along with his 12 points, nine boards and nine dimes? Hell, son coulda had a quadruple-double the shitty way.

In any event, I'm not hopping on the "LeBron sucks" bandwagon. He's a force, and along with young studs like Dwight Howard, Chris Paul and fellow draftmates Dwyane Wade and Carmelo Anthony, he's an icon for the league and will be for years to come. It's just disconcerting to see someone who's really supposed to be that guy -- a killer, a monster, an unstoppable force of nature -- pull such a poor performance out of his jock strap. Anyone notice that while you usually get yours at the foul line when you've got a poor shooting night, LeBronze didn't attempt a single free throw in the second half? Yeah. This is year five, Bronny. Stop taking those shitty three-point attempts.

But hey, on the bright side, he's still only 23. Can you imagine him five or six years from now, if and when he improves his scoring consistency to Kobe-Jordan status? Can you imagine if and when he improves his defense to Kobe-Jordan status?

...well I can't -- not just yet. First I've got to be confident that I won't see 2-for-18 from him very often in the future.

Ok, ok, ok. So there's another bright side: LeBron only needs 141 regular-season points to pass John Starks' all-time 14-year career mark of 10,829. At the rate he's going, it'll take him five games when the 2008-2009 season starts.

Unless he shoots 2-for-18...

Really, LeBron?

This was supposed to be the DeShawn Watch for Game 5, but I'm livid at what I saw yesterday and had to change the title.

Really, King James? Really?

Three after three after three after long jumper after long jumper after three after three.

I'm beginning to think that maybe I was wrong to mock Brendan Haywood for, well, mocking you when you said, "I guess they're trying to hurt LeBron." I'm beginning to think that you really do believe they're trying to hurt you, and as a result, you took your time in Game 5 and threw up bullshit from the field instead of taking the lettuce to the salad bowl and getting and-ones.

Oh, and then, what about that second-to-last possession -- you know, with your team up by one, before Caron Butler shut your guys up -- when you stayed out waaaaay past the top of the three point arc, dribbled down the shot-clock to about ten, then started slowly making a move only to swing the ball to the corner for a missed three-point attempt? Why not drive the ball, try to initiate contact, and if the defense collapses on you to take away the close layin, find someone within close range to bank one home? What's with all this, "Oh, I'm going to go for the big shot from my teammate, that'll show them," bullshit?

As my boy Cris texted me: "Turning point: up 5, LeBron takes horrid 3. Es no bueno! The game 4 assist bolstered the I don't have to take the big shot mentality. I don't mind great assists, but LeBron should be facilitating everything in crunch time."

As my boy Matt texted me: "He is so lax. It made me nauseous."

All of a sudden LeBron turned from a freight train into a pillow feather in this game. All season he's been driving into the lane, taking contact and making defenses protect the basket. When he when he eliminated the Wizards in years past, it was on a game-winning layup on a strong drive. This time, yes, he did have the opportunity -- which he missed -- but it should really not have come down to that. I guess maybe he was extra motivated to take the game back to Washington DC so that he could show up DeShawn on his home floor. Maybe that's gangsta.

Or maybe just completely lame. MVPtoChrisPaulthankyouverymuch.